Remember me?

Forgive me, internet.

I seriously never meant to take a summer-long hiatus, but somehow all that time from June through September flew by without me noticing. I woke up last week and did a double take at the calendar; October already.

In addition to starting what will hopefully be my last year as an undergraduate, I've started working in one of the psychology labs on our campus. It's something one does when one wants to get into a PhD program, and so far, I think certain parts will be very useful. Other parts, however, are causing me to seriously examine whether or not I'm in the right field. The lab I work in is a human-subjects only lab, but right around the hall is the cornerstone of the university's psychology department, the personal baby of our chairman, the neuropsychology lab, where the studies are run almost exclusivly on animals. Rats, to be more precise. To be around the corner from something of this nature is not a comfortable feeling, and the cavalier attitude of some of the lab members make my skin crawl. It's as though a perfectly nice, normal looking person were suddenly to admit they have a secret fondness for anally probing unwilling victims. So far my approach is to keep my head down unless someone else broaches the topic, and then to attempt to make myself as unbiased as possible while still bringing up the fact that the 'ethics' of research don't resemble ethics as much as they resemble discrimination. This has results in several interesting moments when comments about 'those animal rights people' have come up. Luckily those who do know about me being a vegan have been very kind, understanding, and interested without being appalled. 

Being in the lab environment has caused me a small crisis of faith though. There are days when I wonder if being tolerant of the goings on next door is appropriate. It certainly doesn't feel appropriate. Tacitly, am I approving of what they do? Am I complicit? 

Coupled with the trouble I had this summer coming to grips with the fact that, while I love my mom and believe she is a good woman, she turns a blind eye to suffering on purpose, my feelings about my complicity in something I truly believe to be abominable have caused me a lot of personal reflection that I just haven't had the time or inclination to put down on paper. 

Plus, I have a lot of homework.  

Other things that have happened.

Rivet got kicked out of his home. I got the 'official' notice that he needed to be moved about three weeks ago, telling me I had two weeks to get him gone. Very helpful, since I'm 3,000 miles away and moving a horse isn't exactly like making a phone call. Actually, it's closer to about 50 phone calls from me to my parents, to my friends, to boarding facilities, to the director of his current home. I am lucky to have two wonderful, devoted 'horse' friends in Utah who helped me get him re-situated, and was even luckier that I was able to get him into a barn where one of them keeps her two horses. Without them I would have removed what little hair nature gifted me with out of frustration. To add insult to injury, Rivet had not been wormed or had his feet cared for by the people who were supposed to be looking after him. They were understaffed and refused to hire someone to manage the program, leaving 8 horses under the charge of a (wonderfully gifted and amazing) high school senior, with two other 'senior' employees who bicker about everything and shirk every responsibility possible. Regular feed schedule? Out of the question. Cleaning the corral at every feeding? Naw, it's no big deal. Let them get worms! 

And of course MY horse, not the other staff boarded horse, gets kicked out. My horse is the only one to get kicked out. The reason given to me was that they were trying to move all the horses for the winter, due to the high price of hay and employing staff. They told me all boarded horses were being removed. Guess what? They're not. Sux to be Rivey. 

I turn 23 on Thursday. I am old. 

I have perfected a recipe for vegan naan. That, coupled with a few staple recipes for Indian food, is causing me to eat about 50 times more than normal.